joke of the day (the dentist )

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i went for my 6 month check up today and things went well, until he put his index finger up my arse, is that normal, or should i find another dentist.

i have started attending a self help group for sex addicts, i haven’t got an addiction, it’s just a great place to meet slappers.

Bloke buys a parrot from liverpool, but gets sick of it saying “ im from liverpool and i’m hard as f**k,
So he puts a kestral in its cage, the next day he finds the kestral dead, and the parrot saying “ im from liverpool and im hard as f**K, so the guy puts a golden eagle in the cage, next day he finds the golden eagle dead and the parrot with no feathers, as he looks in the cage, the parrot says “ had to take my coat out for that f****r.

I got fired on my first day as a masseur today, apperently finish off on her face did not mean what i thought it did.

Them people from the london underground are a bunch of liars, seen a sign on the platform today, it said, be carefull, stand to close to the edge and you might get sucked off, 4 f******g hours i stood there,

My girlfriend reckons, she can tell how good a film is by how many tissues she goes through,when she’s watching it, funny that i said i work on the same principle, ha ha hah ha.