See Emily Play

pink floyd arnold layne

Pink Floyd - Shine On You Crazy Diamond (Original Version)

Pink Floyd - The Gunner's Dream / The Final Cut

Learning to fly - Pink Floyd (High Quality)

Learning to fly - Pink Floyd (High Quality)

Pink Floyd 2005 breathe

Roger Waters -2 Pros And Cons Of Hitch Hiking

Roger Waters - Amused to Death (HD)

One of These Days - Pink Floyd - live at Pompeii

Pink Floyd- Pigs On The Wing (Part 1 and 2) Video

The Cult "Rain"

Gilmour and Rick - What's uh the deal

Roger Waters and David Gilmour - Comfortably Numb (Live at London's O2 A...

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Malia a Clubbers Paradise,( Travel Review) | Trifter

Malia a Clubbers Paradise,( Travel Review) | Trifter

Biding My Time (Extreme Rare Video Pink Floyd 1969) Watch in HD

Pink Floyd - One Of These Days

Jokes 156-
Why men should not be agony aunts.
Dear Dave, I left home for work yesterday and after only driving a mile down the road, my car stalled and then would not start, I had to walk back home only to find my husband in bed with our 19 year old babysitter, they announced that they had been having an affair, it had been going on 2 years and that they were deeply in love, can you help me I am desperate, yours sincerely Tracy
Dear Tracy, the most common case for vehicle breakdown in the first few miles is dirt in the fuel lines, if this is not the cause it usually the alternator, hope this helps,
Dave.

2 dogs were in the vets chatting, fido says to butch well butch what you in for butch replies, “i mauled the postman yesterday and now they want to put me to sleep”what about you fido what you in for, well says fido i “ well i was just walking past my owners bathroom and saw the door openand saw her naked bending over washing her hair,i was so horny i mounted her doggy style and shagged her senseless” blimey says fido now wonder they are putting you down aswell, putting me down he replies are they heck im here to get my nails trimmed.

joke of the day ( the jeweller )

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A young Woman was in the jewellers admiring a big diamond ring, and as she lent over for a closer look she let a little fart slip out, hoping no-one noticed she asks the assistant “ how much is the diamond ring” the assistant replies, lady just looking at the diamond ring made you fart, if i tell you the price you will bloody shit yourself.

A fat bird was at the bar drunk, walks up to a man having a quite drink “ if you can guess my weight you can come back to mine and shag me all night” iv’e no idea he replies 30 stone “that’s close enough ya lucky b******d.

Some little thieving sod pinched a pair of the wife’s knickers off the washing line last night, she is not bothered about the missing knickers but would really like the 25 pegs back.

Paddy and mick are making letter bombs,” do you think i have put enough explosives in this envelope” paddy asks “ i don’t know mick says open it and see”but it will explode he replies, don’t be f*****g stupid its not addressed to you.

Apparently colonal gaddaffi has gone into hiding,and surrounded himself with 40 virgins,- well we at least know he is not in Liverpool.

A message from b harmany.
We regret that your application to join our dating agency, i regret to inform you your application has been denied,
You failed question 14 “what do you like most in women “ – my dick ,is not an acceptable answer.
.




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joke of the day ( kicked out of school )

Jokes 140 ---
Paddy’s wife came home from work to find all her sex toys nailed to the wall,, you f******g idiot she tells paddy, i ask for a dado rail

My doctor told me to watch my drinking, now i only drink in pubs with mirror’s

Women should not have any children after 35, i think thirty five children is aenough for anybody

The 3 fastest ways of communication, tele-phone, tele-vision or tell –a – woman.

What a load of bollocks about women being able to multi task, i just told the wife to sit down and shut the f**k up, you think she could.

A trainee gynaecologist says to the doctor, why do we do smear tests on the over 75 year old ladies,doctor replies ,have you ever tried parting a cheese toastie.

I caught my deslexic mate covering his dick in boot polish Sunday morning, i said ya f*****g idiot, your supposed to turn your clocks back.



What i weekend !! i broke my record for continual sex, 1 hour 2 minutes, then i realised i the clocks had gone forward.

My daughter got kicked out of school today, the teacher had asked to class to do a farm yard impression, but appently shouting, get off my land you thieving rednecks motherf*****rs, is not quite what the teacher had expected.
Scientist have now discovered that if you masterbate a lot you have a greater chance of developing tourettes, how the f**k, did these p**s brained,dumb mother****rs come up with that the F******g ,B******ds,C***k Sucking,******,******,******,*****f*******G scientist tourettes my a***.

Pink Floyd - Run like Hell - from Pulse

joke of the day ( sxy little pvc number )

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The mrs just came into the living room, wearing a little pvc number, stockings and high heels, she handed me a cold beer and told me to sit down and relax and when she comes back she will give me what she does best, I can’t wait I f*****g love bacon sandwiches.

Paddy’s wife Mary is listening to the news on the radio, when a report comes in that there is a psychopath driving the wrong way down the m25 motorway, realising her husband paddy is today travelling on the very same motorway, she phone’s him panicking, paddy my precious she says , iv’e just heard on the news that there is a madman driving the wrong way down the motorway, I know Mary he says but it’s not just one there’s hundred’s of them.

I was woken up last night again by the bulimic girl next door being sick again,i banged on the wall and shouted for god’s sake woman keep it down

.







Ha ha ha ha that alzheimers joke you sent me earlier was brilliant.
Little Andrew watched fascinated as his mother soothed some ceam on her face, why are you doing that mother he ask’s, to make my self beautiful she reply’s, then as she begins to wipe it off ,Andrew says whats the matter mam you giving up already.

A polish man visits the local optician for a check up .the optician shows him the the board from about 10 foot away , with the letters “ czwjxnasac “ well sir can you read that ,, read it he says i know the guy.

joke of the day ( the elderly couple )

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An elderly couple, were celebrating their 60th wedding anniverary,the couple married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to there old neibourhood,after they had retired,holding hands they walked by there old school, and noticed it open, so they went in and found the desk they shared as children, and still carved on the lid was andy loves sally, so they started to walk back home, and on there way back a bag full of money landed by there feet from a passing armed van,sally quickly picked it up and said “ finders keepers “ they took it home , counted it £100.000, im hidding this in the loft says sally. The next day to police doing door to door visit Andy and sally to ask, did they have any information about the missing money, yes shouts Andy we found it and hid it in the loft, take no notice of him officers he is senile, well we will just ask him a few questions if you don’t mind, right Andy what happened, well officers we were walking home from school when,, they looked at each other, come on partner were out of here.

joke of the day (the dentist )

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i went for my 6 month check up today and things went well, until he put his index finger up my arse, is that normal, or should i find another dentist.

i have started attending a self help group for sex addicts, i haven’t got an addiction, it’s just a great place to meet slappers.

Bloke buys a parrot from liverpool, but gets sick of it saying “ im from liverpool and i’m hard as f**k,
So he puts a kestral in its cage, the next day he finds the kestral dead, and the parrot saying “ im from liverpool and im hard as f**K, so the guy puts a golden eagle in the cage, next day he finds the golden eagle dead and the parrot with no feathers, as he looks in the cage, the parrot says “ had to take my coat out for that f****r.

I got fired on my first day as a masseur today, apperently finish off on her face did not mean what i thought it did.

Them people from the london underground are a bunch of liars, seen a sign on the platform today, it said, be carefull, stand to close to the edge and you might get sucked off, 4 f******g hours i stood there,

My girlfriend reckons, she can tell how good a film is by how many tissues she goes through,when she’s watching it, funny that i said i work on the same principle, ha ha hah ha.

Pink Floyd With Syd Barrett - Interstellar Overdrive-Part 1

joke of the day ( the sniffer dog )

jokes 124 –

A policeman with a sniffer dog came up to me the other day and said “my dog tells me that your on drugs” im on drugs i said “ your the one who thinks he has a talking dog.

Firemen have just rescued a man with his dick caught in a condom machine,when they asked what happened, he replied i just followed the instructions, insert 2 pounds coins, and push knob in.

I went to the pet shop yesterday and saw 3 parrots for sale,1 for £200, 1 for £150. And 1 for a tenner, why is that one so cheap i asked, well she said it used to work in a brothel, i found this relly funny so i bought it, i take it home, as i walked into the house the parrot says “ F**k me a new brothel” and i laughed, i walked in to the front room, see’s my 2 sisters and the parrot goes “ f**k me new girls” and everyone laughs, my dad walked in and the parrot goes  “ f**k me dave long time no see “.

I went to a fortune teller yesterday,to see what the future had in store for me, give me your hand she say’s well i can tell that you masterbate a lot and you will be doing so for a very long time, wow i said you can tell that from my hand, she looked up and said “ no i can tell that by your face you ugly f*****r.

joke of the day ( the labrdor )

A groom passes down the aisle of the church to take his place by the best man, and the best man notices that he has a huge grin on his face, the best man says “ hey man I know your happy getting married, but what’s up you look so excited”. Well he says “I’ve just had the best blowjob of my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful sexy woman that gave it to me”. Then the bride start’s to walk down the aisle and she too has the biggest, brightest smile on her face, the maid of honor says “ wow look at that smile I never realized you were so excited about getting married “ the bride turns to the maid of honor and replies “ I’ve just given the last blowjob of my entire life”.

Paddy tells mick,hey Mick I’m thinking about buying a pet dog, really he says what breed, well I am interested in a labrador,mick replies “ I would think again mate have you seen how many of them owner’s go blind”.

After 30 years of marraige,jim the plumber left his wife a note to tell her the marraige was finished,

The note simply said  “ its over flo “.

The royal mail are releasing stamps of famous prostitues,they cost 20p each,but if you want to lick them it will cost you £2.50.

I went shopping yesterday and the girl at the checkout says “ do you live alone “ yes i replied can you tell that by looking at my basket” no she said your an ugly f****R.

jokes

1-having a smoke outside the pub last night,and this feller in a wheelchair comes up to me and says  " why do you smoke when you dont need to "

i looked at him and said " why the f**k are you wearing shoes.

2- i met stephen hawkins the other day,and said to him “do you know that most people think your an american because of your computerised voice”

“tell me something i dont know “ he replied

Well that was me f*****d

3 - man walks into the pharmacy and says " i would like to buy some viagra please "

assistant relies " i need some  medical proof first before i can sell you some"

no problem says the man will a picture of the wife do.

4 -a midget walks into the libary and asks for a book on ironry,

the librarian replies "over there mate on the top shelf".

5 –my wife came home drunk yesterday afternoon, while trying to get undressed,she fell over and knocked herself out,her knickers were round her ankles with everything on display,i thought im not going to miss an oppertunity like this,so out with the lads i went.

6 – i shoved a grape up my wife arse last night when she was asleep , she never moaned just let out a little wine.

7 – a young mother after the birth of her 9^th child goes and sees the local priest.pardre she says “ i dont know why i get pregnant so easily, there must be something in the air”

Yes replies the priest its your legs.

8 – i dont trust sperm banks thats why i keep mine in a sock under the bed.

saw a sign today ,made me piss myself TOILET CLOSED ---,MORE JOKES

Saw a sign today, made me piss myself, toilet closed.

A husband comes home from early from work ,and catch’s his mate in bed with his wife, and in a mad rage he kills him, the wife starts screaming at her husband, you dickhead if you carry on like that you won’t have any fiends left.

Tommy got kicked out of school today!! The teacher asks him if I gave you £20 and you paid £5 to Jane, £5 to Claire, and £5 to Emma what would you have. Apparently 3 blowjobs and enough left for a kebab was defiantly the wrong answer.
Two women on their way back from a night on the tiles stop in a graveyard for a wee, one wipes herself with her knickers, and the other uses a wreath, Their 2 husband’s were in the pub a few days later chatting , I think I better start watching the wife, she came home the other night with no knickers on, the other man replies, “that f**k all mine had a card wedged in her arise saying, we will never forget you from all the lads at the firestation.

I saw really fat girl yesterday walking down the street with a t-shirt saying “ I love hip hop “ think it should have said “ I love chip shop”.

I was in the park yesterday and was wondering, why Frisbee’s got bigger when you looked at them, then it hit me.

pink floyd ,the missing $640,000

Pink Floyd --- the missing $640,000 dollars
Greetings pink Floyd fans, here is a first introduction of my pink Floyd stories, hope you enjoy.
Pink Floyd as you know are one of the great supergroups,of all time selling hundreds of millions of albums and playing to a countless number of fans, well here is a little story about the time they played in soldiers field Chicago,
Before the concert started, roger waters went up to stand on the top of the stage to look at the huge audience of fans in front of him, Steve o rouke the pink Floyd manager said look at the crowd there is 63,000 fans out there, but roger knowing what a 63,000 crowd looked like said ,no way there is a lot more than that 80,,000 if not 100,000 fans ,I should know we have played to that many loads of times, so off he went back to check at the box office, yep 63,000 the box office confirmed, roger waters was having none of it , immediately went out and hired a helicopter, and some lawyers, and some professional photographer’s and flew over the crowds of adoring fans taking pictures of everybody from the air , and low and behold he was right , it turned out that in Chicago on that eventful night, there was a crowd of ninety five thousand fans, so where were the other 32,000 people or as roger waters, and the rest of the band would like to know the missing $640.000.

what other rock stars said about pink floyd

Pink Floyd – what other rock stars said.
Hi Floyd fans a few quote’s made by rock stars about the fantastic pink Floyd ,hope you enjoy.
Were a boogie band, we can’t all of a sudden do something like the Floyd.---- john coghlan,ex status quo
We must have been the only band who said “yeah i like pink Floyd, my second concert was genesis.—jim kerr, simple minds
It’s is essentially rock,n,roll the legand (roger waters)
You cant be a legand till your in pink Floyd, led zeppelin or dead,-- joe Elliot, def leppard
I wish i had made dark side of the moon – phillip Oakley
There is always a wall as the great pink Floyd so eloquently put it –john hiatt, the three johns
Its disgusting that pink Floyd can sell millions of records and a genius like prince never gets the recognition he deserves ,-- sioxsie and the banchies.
He reckoned we sound like pink Floyd ??? what’s wrong with that, dark side of the moon is a f*****k great record.---horse ,happy Monday’s.
Im convinced that at some point we are going to make a classic rock record,in the sense that it will sell for years like dark side of the moon ,or the wall or any Floyd album really.—wayne hussy ,lead singer , mish.
Marc bolan came to see peter jenner because he managed pink Floyd, and marc adored syd, he said if syd’s there then i want to be there too.
And last but not least ,,roger waters,, we all dream of being rock stars in our dingy flats and our ten quid guitars ,but the truth is once you have cracked it it’s all over.

the geography of a woman

Geography of a woman.
Between 18 and 22 a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful, with fertile deltas.
Between 23 and 30 a woman is like America..... Well developed and open to trade especially for high financed investors.
Between 31 and 45 a woman is like India, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 46 and 55 a woman is like France, gently ageing, but sensual with an appreciation for the finer things.
Between 56 and 60 she is like Yugoslavia, lost the war, haunted by past mistakes and in need of massive reconstruction.
From 61 onwards, she is like Afghanistan, everyone knows where it is but no-one wants to go there.
The geography of a man.
Between 15 and 85 a man is like Britain, ruled by a dick.

unbelivable anagrams

Fantastic anagrams
Hello fellow author’s as we are continually writing all sorts of story’s and things that intrest each other i come acrose all types of anagrams i thought you might be interested in some of the following i thought they were very good hope you all enjoy.
Astronomer ................... moon starer
Presbyterian................... best in prayer
The morse code .............. here comes dots
Dormitory .......................... dirty room
Slot machines ..................... cash lost in me
Election results ....................... lies lets recount
Snooze alarm ...................... alas no more z’s
A decimal point .................. im a dot in place
The earth quakes .................that queer shake
Eleven plus two ................. twelve plus one
The eyes .................................... they see
George bush ...............he bugs gore
Animosity .....................is no amity
Desperation .................. a rope ends it
Mother in law .............. woman hitler
And last but not least star of the hit tv show, how to look good naked
Gok wan ................. go wank

The Wall - Pink Floyd

loads of jokes including ( jooke of the day - guts or balls )

guts or balls.
There is a medical distintion.we’ve all heard about people having guts,or balls,but do you really no the difference,between them
Guts,is arriving home late after a night out with the boys,being met by your wife with a broom and having the guts to ask, are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere,
Balls. Is coming home late after a night with the lads,smelling of purfume and beer,with lipstick on your collar,slapping your wife on the arse and saying get up stairs fatty your next.

paddy stumbles on a mass baptism at a river,he walks into the river and stands next to the preacher,”are you ready to find jesus my son”the preacher asks,paddy relies “i am sir” the preacher puts him under water then says “ have you found jesus “ no sir, so this time the preacher holds him under longer “ have you found jesus paddy “ no sir,this time the preacher holds him under for 2 minuet’s paddy comes up gasping for air ,have you found jesus the preacher asks , paddy says “ are you sure this is where he fell in”

apperently the best way to make a cup of tea is to agitate the bag, so every morning i slap the mr’s arse and say 2 sugar’s fat arse.

A lump of play dough was pushed through my letterbox today,i dont know what to make of it.

I was a bit bored today driving the car ,so i pulled over to knock one off, the driving instructer went f*****g loopy.

Hey You

(9) THE WALL: Pink Floyd - Young Lust

Dogs - Pink Floyd - Animals

Pink Floyd - If - [HQ]

Pink Floyd - Bike (Syd Barrett)

pink floyd arnold layne

Rare 1965 Pink Floyd Syd Barrett Demo "Lucy Leave"

Pink Floyd - Time (rare)

Syd Barrett - Jugband Blues

Dominoes - Syd Barrett (with lyrics)

Pink Floyd The Wall - Pink Floyd - Comfortably Numb

Pink Floyd - See Emily Play (Syd Barrett)

joke of the day ( the dating watch )

3 women 1,engaged,1 mistress and and 1 wife while having there morning coffee ,all decided to treat their men,by wearing black leather bra's,stilleto heels,stocking’s and suspender’s,and a leather black face mask for when he got home from work, yhe next day at the coffee shop they started discussing last night,the mistress went first " when my man came home we made love there and then on the hall carpet", the engaged woman said " me and my man said " we had sex all night he was very pleased to see me " the 2 women looked at the wife " well what happened to you they asked" well the wife replied he came home as normal walked into the front room and took one look at me and went whats for f*****g tea batman".


Man meets a woman at the bar and buys her a drink,and as they sat there drinking he keeps looking at his watch, are you meeting someone she says you keep looking at your watch,no he said “its a new dating watch it’s giving me infomation about you”really she says “what does it say” well he replied “it says you have no knickers on “ well its wrong she says ,,,i know he replies it’s an hour fast.


Irishman takes his golfish to the vet’s and says i think my goldfish has epilepsy,well it looks fine to me says the vet ,paddy says “well i haven’t taken it out of the bowl yet.

joke of the day ( the barbour )

A guy sticks his head into a barbour shop and asks " how long for a haircut please" the barbour looks round to see about 8 customers waiting,about 2 hours he replied,
the guy then left. a few days later the same guy returns ,sticks his head in and again says to the barbour ," how long before i can get a haircut" the barbour looks round ,about 3 hours he replies,the guy then leaves.about a week later he returns , how long for a haircut he asks ,about half an hour the barbour replies.the barbour then turns to a customer and said if you see where he is going because he is allways comes in ask how long for a haircut then leaves,but never comes back,dave returns a little while later laughing hysterically, whats so funny says the barbour,were does he go from here well said dave “ he goes to your house 2.

Bloke goes into the pub,and asks for 3 double wiskey’s,”you ok says the barman” no i said “iv’e just found out my eldest son is gay, the following day he return’s to the pub and this time ask’s for 6 double wiskey’s,”you ok the barman asks again “ no i just found out my youngest son is gay” drinks the 6 double’s and leaves. The following day he goes in 10 double wiskeys now barman please,” fuck me say’s the barman does no-one in your family like pussy,, yep replies the man , my wife

joke of the day ( the rabbi)

At the regular shabbat morning service,the rabbi announced he was leaving for a larger congregation,that would pay him more.
Samual cohn a very successfull car dealership owner,stands up and says “ if the rabbi stays he will give him a new cadillac evry year,and a vehicle of his chice to transport the children around”, the whole congregration applauded.
Larry wollawiscz a successfull lawyer stands up and sys “ if the rabbi stays he will double his salery every year he stays “
Just then estelle rubin stands up an 88 year old great grand mother, and shouts out “ if you stay rabbi i will have sex with you “ the whole congragration goes quite ,you could here a pin drop,
The rabbi replies “ your a wonderfull lady estelle , but why would you suggest that.
Estelles 90 year old husband, is trying to hide ,holding his forehead,with the palm of his hands,shaking it from side to side,well said estelle i asked my husband what we could do to help , and he said, F**K HIM.


An elderly couple a attending church on a Sunday,and half way through the service the elderly lady hands a note to her husband “ i just let out a sient fart, what do you think i should do “ husband scribbles back put a new battery in your f******g, hearing aid,

Ihad sex with my best mate’s wife last night and today i feel awful.
She must have the flu or something

joke of the day ( the rabbi )

At the regular shabbat morning service,the rabbi announced he was leaving for a larger congregation,that would pay him more.
Samual cohn a very successfull car dealership owner,stands up and says “ if the rabbi stays he will give him a new cadillac evry year,and a vehicle of his chice to transport the children around”, the whole congregration applauded.
Larry wollawiscz a successfull lawyer stands up and sys “ if the rabbi stays he will double his salery every year he stays “
Just then estelle rubin stands up an 88 year old great grand mother, and shouts out “ if you stay rabbi i will have sex with you “ the whole congragration goes quite ,you could here a pin drop,
The rabbi replies “ your a wonderfull lady estelle , but why would you suggest that.
Estelles 90 year old husband, is trying to hide ,holding his forehead,with the palm of his hands,shaking it from side to side,well said estelle i asked my husband what we could do to help , and he said, F**K HIM.


An elderly couple a attending church on a Sunday,and half way through the service the elderly lady hands a note to her husband “ i just let out a sient fart, what do you think i should do “ husband scribbles back put a new battery in your f******g, hearing aid,

Ihad sex with my best mate’s wife last night and today i feel awful.
She must have the flu or something

jokes ,jokes,jokes,jokes and more jokes

I started work recently in a music shop, and today this really scruffy,shady looking guy walks in and ask me ,”excuse me have you any thing by the doors” yes i repliead 2 doormen,and 2 security camera’s so dont try anything ,dickhead.

Paddy goes to see the nurse as he has a severe rash on his balls,the nurse says “ look paddy your going to have to stop wanking “ but why he says “i enjoy it “ because the nurse says  im trying to examine you.

Took a bird home last night after clubbing and,after a few drinks at mine we went upstairs,while we were taking our clothes off,a voice from the bed said “i hope thats not the fat bird from the other night”

Bloody memory foam mattress.

My new girlfriend was giving me a blowjob,when she found out i suffer from premature ejaculation,but its ok she took it on the chin.

I was in court the other day after a car crash, the judge asks me what happened “well your honouri was travelling down this quite country lane,and as i turned the bend i saw the car infront,i braked as hard as i could but still hit it,a cute blond got out and said ,ram me up the arse ,why dont you,and this your honour is were the confusion began

Paddy says to mick “ oi i have something stuck in my throat” are ya chokin he says .”

No ya dickhead im fecking serios.

7 really funny jokes inc joke of the day ( the parachute jump )

there's a new drug out on the nhs for depressed lesbians     - trycoxagain

I remember the lasy thing my dead wife said to me  " is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleasesd to see me" .

I met to fat girls down the pub last night who had strong cardiff accents,” i said i know that accent,you 2 girls are from london arent you “ wales you f******g idiot she replied,sorry i said  “ you 2 whales are from london arent you.

A native american red indian intruduced me to his wife ,,this is four horse’s ...... i say thats a beutiful name,what does it mean. He replied, NAG,NAG F******G,NAG

I just walked out my job in the helium factory, im not having them talk to me like that.

I was looking out the window today,when i saw my wife’s mother coming up the street,i can honestly say i have never been so pleased to see her,i had to shout to the wife ,” are you ready darling the hearse is here”.

Paddy is in the pub telling his mate’s about his forst parachute jump, paddy says ,”we were flying at about 30,000 feet,when it was my turn i looked down and just could not jump, no way i said “then this huge guy pulled out his 12” cock and said 2paddy if you dont jump i will stick this baby right up you arse “ all paddy’s mate said at the same time ,well did you jump,,,justa bit when it first went in.

                                                                    

joke of the day ( wallet scam )

WALLET SCAM WARNING

While at the supermarket you may be approached,by 2 fit,18 year old easten europeans in skin tight tops,with huge boobs,they wash your car window with there boobs rubbing up against the glass,and ask for a lift to the next supermarket, as payment for the window cleaning,on the way they will,strip down and start having sex with each other,then one will lean over and perform oral sex on you ,while you are driving,while the other try’s to steal your wallet, i had mine stolen ,Thursday,Friday and twice on Saturday, so be carefull

Paddy,mick and murphy,all work for a boss who allways goes home early,one day mick says “lets all go home early he will never know “so they all leave just after the boss,mick goes to the bookies,murphy goes to the pub,paddy goes home, only to find the bosses car on his drive and his boss upstairs ,having sex with his wife, the next day mick says “ what a good idea that was yesterday ,lets do it again today “not likley says paddy  “ I NEARLY GOT CAUGHT “.

I asked the mrs for a blow job last night,but she started rubbing my dick with a key ring ,talk about been fobbed off.

I bought a deoderant stick yesterdayand the instructions said “remove cap and push up bottom”i can hardly walk today but when i fart the room smells lovely.

3 adult jokes inc joke of the day ( the golfer )

I was down the pub last night when i realised i needed to fart,the music was really load,so i timed my farts with the beat,after a couple of songs i started to feel better,as i finished my pint i noticed everyone was starring at me , then i remembered i was listening to my i pod.

Man plays golf every Sunday .

He says to his wife  “im off love for my Sunday golfing” gets his bag opens the door only to find it pissing down, f**K it he thinks, i will see what its like in 10 minuets, still raining so he thinks back to bed,

Gets up behind the wife and starts sliping her one from behind she starts moaning and wakes up “its pissing down he says” to which the wife replies ,and that dickhead husband of mine has gone to play golf.

I just got back from the world erection champanships,made it through to the semi’s.

Man in a bar order’s champagne,lady next to him say’s,”what a coincedence iv’e just ordered champagne too”,man replies im celebrating,me too say’s the lady,what a coincedence, he says what are you celebrating,

Lady “my husband and i have been trying for years for a baby, and today i found out im pregnant”,

Man “ what a coincedence im a farmer and for years my hens were infertile,and today they all laid eggs”

Lady “ wow how did that happen”

Man “ i used a different cock “

Lady smiled, winked and clinked his glass and replied “ what a coincidence”

loads of jokes for the over 18's -- inc joke of the day (the scuba diver )

apperently 90 % of women dont fancy men who wear pink,

which is a bit of a coincedence as 90 %, of men who wear pink dont fancy women.

2 jews go to manchester uniteds home ground old trafford to by season tickets and the steward says “excuse me are you jews “,  yes they replied, well im sorry but i cant sell you the tickets says the steward, well why not, because you have to be a complete knob to support united.

Why do scuba divers allways fall backwards as they dive,

Because if they fall forward, they will fall into the boat.

Did you know that 69 % of people find something sexual in every sentance.

Theres a person running round london stabbing people with knitting needles,

Theres been 8 this week ,police think they are following a pattern.

I saw a golf buggy today parked in a disabled spot, i thought i wonder what his handicap is.

Them germans are thick f*****s,i took them 5 years to find anne fraanks house,i was only in Amsterdam 10 minuets and i found it, there are sign posts everywhere.

I caught my mate today with his dick in a lump of lard, the fat f**ker.

My mates got the best nickname in the world,shagger,we all think its great but she really hates it.

Why is it that when your wife gets pregnant, everyone goes up to her and rubs her tummy ,and says “ , congragulations”. No one goes up to the man rubs his dick and says “ well done “.