loads of jokes for the over 18's -- inc joke of the day (the scuba diver )

apperently 90 % of women dont fancy men who wear pink,

which is a bit of a coincedence as 90 %, of men who wear pink dont fancy women.

2 jews go to manchester uniteds home ground old trafford to by season tickets and the steward says “excuse me are you jews “,  yes they replied, well im sorry but i cant sell you the tickets says the steward, well why not, because you have to be a complete knob to support united.

Why do scuba divers allways fall backwards as they dive,

Because if they fall forward, they will fall into the boat.

Did you know that 69 % of people find something sexual in every sentance.

Theres a person running round london stabbing people with knitting needles,

Theres been 8 this week ,police think they are following a pattern.

I saw a golf buggy today parked in a disabled spot, i thought i wonder what his handicap is.

Them germans are thick f*****s,i took them 5 years to find anne fraanks house,i was only in Amsterdam 10 minuets and i found it, there are sign posts everywhere.

I caught my mate today with his dick in a lump of lard, the fat f**ker.

My mates got the best nickname in the world,shagger,we all think its great but she really hates it.

Why is it that when your wife gets pregnant, everyone goes up to her and rubs her tummy ,and says “ , congragulations”. No one goes up to the man rubs his dick and says “ well done “.