loads of funny jokes

1 - Last night our dog went missing ,so the wife sent me out looking for it,i walked the psrk, the feilds by our house,the beach and after 4 hours returned with out the dog ,and told the wife she went mad saying, i did not look hard enough,

so i shaved my head, got a couple of tattoos , went back out and still i couldent find the dog.

2 - had some bad news today the wife was admitted to hospital with a vaccuum cleaner hose stuck up her bum,

allthough she is in intensive care , the doctors say shes picking up nicely.

3 - An Englishman,a Scotsman,a Welshman,A Latvin, a Mexican,an American, a Sweede,a Norwegian,a Dutchman,a German,a Spaniard,an Egyptian,an Irishman all worked into a restraunt and called the manager over and asked for a table "sorry you lot says the manager cant let you in with out a thai".

4 - police i liverpool have arrested 3 of the 4 scouse terrorist-- bin -dealin ,bin-snortin ,bin-robbin,there was no sign of bin-working.

5 – husband tells the wife “when you take your bra off you look 10 years younger”

Do i she says smiling “absolutly your boobs sag so much the pull the wrinkles out of your face”.

6 – the wife was standing naked infront of a full lenght mirror this morning,feeling sorry for herself.

Look at me she says my bum is huge,my boobs are saggy,im fat ,give me a compliment ,well theres  f**k all wrong with your eye sight.