8 really funny jokes

1 -I bought a new purfume for the wife for valentines day,called chloroform

but she did not like it ,saying it made her sleepy and the next day she woke up with a sore arse.

2 -I just bought a new tv remote control, with a big red button that says cinema sound,

so i clicked it and a voice from behind me shouts,sit down dickhead.

3 -Got asked to have a treesome last night with 2 midgets ,the little f*****s.

4  I went up to a girl at the bar last night trying to charm here,saying i was just about to tell you a joke about my dick only its to long, what a coincedence she replied,i was just about to tell you one about my pussy but youll never get it.

5 -A couple were at home watching the tv, when the husband starts flicking the remote control over,football,porn,football,porn,football,porn,football,porn,football,porn,for f***ks sake,says the wife leave it on the porn,you know how to play football.

6 -My neighbour knocked at my door 3.30 am can you believe that 3.30am lucky for him i was still up playing my drums.

7 - I remember when i started courting the wife,i used to move her knickers to one side to get to her arse,

Now i have to move her arse ,to get to her knickers.

8 – Got a new job working for the samaritans tried to phone in sick this morning,but the buggers ,talked me out of it.