loads of jokes

                      

A young woman walking her dog along the canal, when all of a sudden her dog falls into the canel,when all of a sudden a german midget jumps in pulls the dog out,gives it mouth to mouth and ressuitates it and saves its life, are you a little vet the woman asks,

a little wet he says im f******g  soaking.

 - son asks his dad " whats the difference with realisticaly and theoretricaly"

well son he replys " go and ask your mother would she sleep with wayne rooney  for a million pounds" son  runs off and comes back and says  "yes dad she would,

now go and ask your sister "would she sleep with wayne rooney for a million pounds"

he runs off ,comes back and says yes dad she would aswell,

well son last question go and ask your brother,

he comes back and says "dad he would aswell.

well son there you go " the differnce is theoreticaly were sitting on 3 milloion pounds ,but realisticaly were living with 2 slappers and a homosexual.

- paddy and mick while out playing find 3 hand grenades, paddy says lets take them to the police station ,mick says " what happens if one goes off" well we will have to lie and tell them we found 2.

Apperently stephen hawkins can now get an erection now that the doctors have disabled his pop up blocker

I hate having to crush my nans pills up and mix them into her food ,i feel really sneaky, but would never forgive myself if i got her pregnant.