saw a sign today ,made me piss myself TOILET CLOSED ---,MORE JOKES

Saw a sign today, made me piss myself, toilet closed.

A husband comes home from early from work ,and catch’s his mate in bed with his wife, and in a mad rage he kills him, the wife starts screaming at her husband, you dickhead if you carry on like that you won’t have any fiends left.

Tommy got kicked out of school today!! The teacher asks him if I gave you £20 and you paid £5 to Jane, £5 to Claire, and £5 to Emma what would you have. Apparently 3 blowjobs and enough left for a kebab was defiantly the wrong answer.
Two women on their way back from a night on the tiles stop in a graveyard for a wee, one wipes herself with her knickers, and the other uses a wreath, Their 2 husband’s were in the pub a few days later chatting , I think I better start watching the wife, she came home the other night with no knickers on, the other man replies, “that f**k all mine had a card wedged in her arise saying, we will never forget you from all the lads at the firestation.

I saw really fat girl yesterday walking down the street with a t-shirt saying “ I love hip hop “ think it should have said “ I love chip shop”.

I was in the park yesterday and was wondering, why Frisbee’s got bigger when you looked at them, then it hit me.